When No One Grieves...

In the hospital, we experience death and dying daily but because we are so used to seeing it everyday that it has become "ordinary"...in other words, a part of our daily routine, so that hospital workers are perceived to be callous to pain and suffering.  How often do I get complaints about how our emergency room staff  behaves while the dead patient is still in the ER...like how they could be seen talking and kidding around while finishing up their work.  Is this apathy? I prefer to call it coping.  It's not that we do not feel the pain and suffering...but dealing with it 24/7 can drain a person emotionally and mentally. So the fear is always that if  hospital workers do not learn to distance themselves emotionally from their patients, they will not be able to do their work.  I remember as a young intern I used to cry when I see my charity patients dying. I felt so much anger not because they were dying, but that they were poor and I wished I could do more but did not since I too had limited resources. I would also cry for the elderly because they reminded me of my grandmother and other people's grandmother, who in their old age needed to feel the presence of their families.  But the worst deaths were the ones with no one to grieve for them, yet strangely I don't feel as sad or angry. I often wondered about this and I came to the conclusion that maybe because patients whose families are disinterested with their care, also makes me less interested in them and therefore I don't form any connection to the patient. But yes, I would feel some guilt because I knew deep inside me that I should have cared more.